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I am the Girl Who Believes In A God, But I Never Trust the Process.

Have you ever been so low in life that everything around you seems to be crashing down on you, and you try everything in YOUR POWER to control what’s happening, or what you may think is about to happen?

I’m not sure if this is normal or not but I know for a fact that this is me. At the age of 22 I am starting to believe that I have to have this thing called “Life” all figured out. If I drift my focus away from the reality of it all, then that means that I am failing because everyone else says so. Everyone around me is so worried about being “realistic” that it is taking away from the happiness that I really want to feel. But, are they right?

Life has been so DARN hard lately, and I just can’t seem to figure out why. Is it because I decided to put my happiness first? Is it because I forgot that life sucks overall and there’s no escaping the hard times?

When my mind feels up with all of these thoughts and questions, I begin to try and take control. I forget that my journey has already been put together for me and that I must trust and believe that something is about to happen.


  1. When life gets rough and it seems as if it’s not getting any better, how do you respond to it all?
  2. If you said, “I pray” do you pray, and attempt to take matters into your own hands?

When you ask yourself the following questions you have to realize that no one has control over the thoughts and the actions that we take besides ourselves. If you chose to go to the God that you believe in to guide you, then why is it that you’re choosing to make moves and decisions based off of what you think to be right?

I attempted to put my happiness first and let me tell you, I am in a deep hole right now. In the moment I thought it was the best thing for me and that I needed this to happen; but right now I cannot stop noticing how hard the world is falling down on my head.

I’ve drifted away from blogging because it wasn’t making me an income. I spend most of my days trying to find a way to go from being insanely broke to insanely wealthy. The only thing I’m missing in life right now is financial freedom, so I’ve stopped doing things that cannot benefit to the one thing missing in my life. Little did I know, choosing my happiness has taken me from insanely broke, to just flat out broke.

The Lord was using me, using me to help others; using me to tell my story so that I could save someone else’s life. I turned away from it because it was not benefiting me, and I let my Father down. I put myself first and I stopped offering my story to others because I didn’t care if it was benefiting them, my concern was my own success.

I’ve grown impatient and I see that everyone else is going through the same struggles as me, but I plan to do something about it. I figured freeing my time of a 9-5 that was causing me stress would make it easier to find a way out, but I was forgetting that everything takes time.

Life cannot be this hard forever and I don’t plan on allowing it to be. But one thing is for sure, I did not plan this out enough or go about it the right way. I didn’t allow my Father to guide me, because I didn’t trust the process.

So, I let him down and now I am paying for it.

I write this blog to let the next person know that even if you believe that there’s more out there for you in life, remember that your life has already been created. What is meant for you will find it’s way if you just believe and trust in your God.

It felt good to choose my happiness and to think that I would be okay, but I am not okay and I must get back into trusting the process because I’ve drifted so far away from the realities and the truths behind the world that we live in.

Without a plan there is no progress, and without progress there is no success. -Jazz

I encourage you all to never let go of your faith. Continue to pray on both your good and bad days and continue to trust in the process. Be patient with your God for he knows what you’re capable of and how much of it you can take.

If you believe in the Lord, then trust in him whole heartedly.

DO NOT be like me. Be better than me.

Trust that your time is coming and take what the Lord gives you in the mean time so therefore you will not get lost at any time during your journey.

I can now answer my own questions up above.

I am lost and I am down because I did not believe. I prayed and I still followed my own heart. I chose to not listen, I chose to put myself first and now I am falling flat my face. I gave up on what my Father wanted to use me for so that I could open my own gate to success, but I’ve failed and I know exactly why now.

If you’re choosing to believe and to trust in the Lord, then do just that.

Trust in him and he will reward you for all that you are deserving of. Allow him to use you and if you are to listen to him, he will give you all that it is that has already been put aside for you.

I love you all & to My Father I say I am sorry, and I am ready to trust in you; Sunday will be my first time back in the Church since 2014. I owe it all to you to become more consistent and to give you more of my time.



“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”- Colossians 3:2

*Leave some feedback or feel free to contact me for I know this is something that not everyone is ready to admit. He is using me again to let you all know that it is okay if you’ve let him down, he will forgive you every time as long as you can admit your wrongs just like I just chose to do*


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