My name is Jazmiera Smothers, and I am a mother who struggles with clinical depression. The stories behind my blogs and site will be based on motivation, encouragement, and empowering words for those who may be afraid to face depression and everyday challenges alone. I am here now, and you are all no longer alone..
The first story I’d like to share with you all happened exactly between yesterday and this time now, next day. I woke up yesterday morning and I wanted to prepare my son’s new room for him before he arrived home at 5pm. I woke up and laid in bed for a little while after sending my son off to school with his grandmother; and before I knew it I had dozed back off to sleep.
After waking back up, it felt like I was a new person. Ever wake up and not understand how it can be the same day but you now have waken up and somehow become very dull and gloomy, even with the sun shining outside? Well yeah, that was me yesterday. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched the time go by. By 9am I decided enough was enough and it was time for me to get up and do what I had planned to do..
By 10am, my son’s new crib was built and put together. I had no idea how I managed to get this crib up and ready to go because, I honestly felt like my life was ending. My mind, this battle that I fight every single day was continuing on while I built through it. My thoughts were telling me that I wanted to die, that I wanted to eat or else I’d be sick and unable to continue on with my day. I grew afraid of my thoughts and decided that I needed to go outside for some air..
Now what was supposed to be a 3 hour activity had turned into 4 hours because, by the time I made it outside to get that air it was 130pm. I managed to get to Walmart where I gathered paint, brushes, and everything else that I needed. I arrived back home, sat down on my floor and at 3pm I picked up that first brush to start painting..
This wasn’t your average painting day. I painted, and as I painted I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My life felt like it was really coming to an end and that I could fall apart at any minute. Time goes on, and everyone begins to get in from work including my son from school because it was now 445pm. My step dad walks in and asks me what’s wrong, I say it’s one of my depressive days today. He walks out and I burst into those tears that I had been waiting on for days..
Oh SORRY guys, I forgot to let you know that today is July 7th and I had been depressed since the 3rd of July. I waited days and days for those tears to flow and as they flowed I knew this depression phase was coming to an end..
STOP FOR A MOMENT:
- What does your depressive state feel like ?
- How do you know when it’s coming to an end?
- How long might you say it lasts for?
- Are you even aware of your depressive states?
In the middle of each of my blogs I will stop and ask you questions. Questions that you may or may not know the answers to, but take a minute or two and honestly read the last few sentences before the list and see if you can relate to what it is that I experience..
As my story continues on I remind you all that I waited on those tears for almost 4 days now. I knew it was coming, I knew I was depressed, and I even let my family and friends know that it just had to pass like all the other times. These phases start with me being exhausted, then I wind up excessively hungry, or with no appetite at all for consecutive days. I grow sad and I fill up with tears and a heavy heart that both just sit there until it is time for my depressive state to come to an end, which is when I can be myself again..
The reason behind the title “The Blog Behind the Red Crib” is because although I fought through this depressive phase for 4 days, it came to an end and I was able to transform my son’s crib from white to red within a 12 hour time span. It took me longer then I had planned, but the job got done.
Mamas, hear me out for one second. It may feel like it is impossible to go on or that your life must be ending, but we are stronger then we seem to believe. Although we have a clinical problem that they say can only be cured with medication or psychological help, we have to keep going. As mothers we are role models and someone who other human beings in this world need. We cannot give up, we cannot let this depression win..
I ask for all of you that have read this today, if you can relate please email me or respond to this blog with your information below for me to contact you and let’s talk. I am here, and you are not alone..
Mama Jazz (firstname.lastname@example.org)
P.S- At the end of every blog I will leave some tips on how to push, and how to keep going through your phases or rough days..
- ALWAYS STEP OUT AND GET YOURSELF SOME FRESH AIR.
- TAKE A SHOWER AND PUT ON A NEW PAIR OF CLOTHES.
- TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT ANYTHING, WHETHER IT BE A FRIEND OR ANYONE ELSE.
- NEVER EVER SAY NEVER..
- YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE !!